Whoa- this weeks already almost gone! I have felt so overwhelmed and out of focus this week. Olivia's expression in the photo describes kinda how I've been feeling. I can't quite put my finger on why- but I would've thought last week would be the one where the adjective 'overwhelmed' came into play. How did I do on that list? Well, I think I got 3/4 of it done- okay, I counted and there were about 23 things on that list and I got about 17 completed. (I say 'about' because some items probably could've counted for 2, so on a few, I doubled up the ante). What percentage is that? 74%- almost exactly 3/4. Pretty good I'd say. I think it all caught up with me cause this week- ppfffttt!! I haven't felt like doing AN E THING. Last week I was sick too- it's crazy how the cycle pans out ya know? I've noticed that so much more now that I'm a mom (and at home ALL THE TIME). There are weeks where I am so motivated and I can really accomplish a lot. Then there are others where all I want to do is watch tv, lay around (which, btw, NEVER happens- but tv? yes, that happens) and it all comes and goes in waves.
So I am wondering. What are your thoughts on being a "selfish mom"? Is there such a thing? Wikipedia says "Selfishness denotes the precedence given in thought or deed to the self, i.e., self interest or self concern. It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others. Also quoted from Wikipedia: Psychologist and primatologist Frans de Waal takes issue with those who equate "selfishness" with "self-serving." He argues that "Selfishness implies the intention to serve oneself, hence knowledge of what one stands to gain from a particular behavior".
This week, I have really needed to nurture myself or be selfish in that way. Being a mom is hard! It's draining. Being a wife is sometimes just as hard and also can suck everything out of you. In our American culture, we are a selfish people. We have everything and more. In reading Kelly's blog this week, my eyes are opened to how much I have and how little others do. Also, read this about Florence Thompson and her 7 children during the Great Depression (specifically, the "Women: Mothers and wives as the backbone to the family unit" part. So when I feel I need to take time out for myself and be a little "selfish" so that I can recharge in order to be the best mom I can be, the guilty thoughts have inevitably crept in. "You have so much and are so lucky, why are you so tired?" the little voice says to me. "You have your health and strength to do what you need to do around the house, so get up and do it.." it says again. Wikipedia defines a mother as, "a biological and/or social female parent of an offspring.[1]" And I like this part, "Because of the complexity and differences of a mothers' social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to define a mother to suit a universally accepted definition. Before I looked this up, I was thinking it would say something like, "a female who sacrifices many things for many people, even those who aren't her children, and who, for 20 plus years, will have to put herself on the back burner the majority of the time.." or something along those lines. But I was surprised to read that Wikipedia thinks it is too complex a word to define. That is so true... and ironic, isn't it?!
So what do you think? It seems it sure is the American way to take time (maybe too much time) for ourselves as moms and maybe sometimes we need to suck it up, be thankful for what we have and stop feeling sorry for our selves? Or do you think since we are so lucky, we should take advantage of our blessings by taking time out to be selfish mommy's for the sake of our families? After all, if mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy, right!? This has been my dilemma this week and thank goodness this week's almost over. It really hasn't been that bad- I'm making it sound horrible! But, it feels good to get these thoughts out on paper (or computer screen). To aid in my slight trouble of sleeping, I've started drinking this:
and it's delightful! It has helped too. You should try it! My favorite is the Lemon Zinger and I add honey. Yum! Now if the weather was just cool enough to justify drinking hot tea......
2 comments:
Oh, Pieper, you're talking about the ultimate internal struggle every mom has!
Here's my thinking: recharging your batteries is never selfish. Kyle and I decided pretty early on in our parenting adventure that we were going to give each other breaks. He goes backpacking or camping for a weekend here and there. I have semi-regular girls' nights with friends. When the kids go to bed at night we rest together, read, watch TV, stop worrying about the house or work. I have days (okay, probably too many days:) where I don't do much but play with my kids and make sure they are fed and clean... and my house pays a price for that. But it makes me a better mom & wife when I'm not worn out & I've had time to be Marta and not be Mommy. One of the best things I ever read when we were expecting Darby was that you should incorporate your children into the world you already live in as opposed to making your children the center of your world. That philosophy has really kept Kyle and I grounded and able to enjoy life as parents, as spouses and as individuals.
So, those are my rambling thoughts! Sorry to be so verbose, this is something that's been on my mind a lot lately! :):):)
Ahh I suffer from guilt too! I think everyone--regardless of circumstances---needs to recharge sometimes. Like tonight, I went out to eat and then to an art class with 2 girlfriends. I missed Kurt and Evy whole time, but I had a blast. I keep my personal times few and far between, but they're so worth it!
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